I went through Christian phases. I’d promise to keep a daily journal speaking directly to God and then in a few months the phase ended. Going back and reading those journals, I realized I only did that to speak to God in hopes he’d give me what I wanted, a car, a boyfriend, good grades, a scholarship, etc. I started many nightly bible readings only to fail to continue a few months in. I confessed I needed him so many times and I would stop acting out for maybe two weeks. Then it was back to doing what I had just confessed I was wrong for doing. I used Christ ONLY when I needed something from him, when things didn’t just go my way, when I felt alone. I only went to him during bad times and never during good. I never thanked him for the blessings that he has continuously given me. I only got mad at him for the things that went wrong in my life. I knew some of the things I was doing such as lying to my parents, cussing etc. were wrong and I knew God would be upset, but I listened to the devil and still did them anyway.
Since I was 5 softball was my life. I used softball to glorify me. I used it to bring attention to myself. Thought I would catch guy’s eyes if they knew how good I was at softball. I would constantly brag about myself when in all honesty just made me look cocky and over confident. I craved the attention I’d get if I did well. I used softball as a platform to promote myself. I can’t remember an exact day where I started living as a Christian, but I can tell you when my relationship with God truly became real.
My junior year of high school was a rough one. Overwhelmed with Softball recruiting, school, ACT prep, training, I was always on the go. I barely even had time for myself, let alone Christ. I was always complaining to him, never thanking him for all my blessings. My dream since I was little, was to play Division 1 softball. So after coming off a very successful sophomore season hitting .410 on varsity and .525 during the summer, I thought for sure my dream was going to be coming true. However in November of my junior year I was sitting with many D2 and D3 offers but not a single D1 offer. If you know anything about softball recruiting you'd know that the scenario I was in was not very assuring. Most juniors have already committed to D1 schools by this time. I went on a visit and to a softball camp of my dream college. I felt pretty confident in myself, but after the camp I had lost all confidence. At the camp, the coach ripped on me the entire camp, said everything I did was wrong, my fundamentals needed a ton of work and I would NEVER play Division 1 softball. I was heartbroken. I was so mad at the world, mad at God. Why would he put me through this? I had worked so hard all my life for this game and to be told I was not good enough absolutely killed me. My confidence was shot, I was humbled. My prayers that night ended up just being complaints.
I tried to move on and not to listen but the words still stung. Maybe the coach was right, I wasn’t D1 material. After being played by a few D1 schools after that, in February 2012 my life completely changed. My travel coach sent me down to Charleston Southern University in South Carolina for a camp. I called it Bumble F*** because no one had ever heard of it. I was made an offer on the spot and I realized this is what God had in store for me all along. I realized getting humbled by my dream college was a blessing in disguise. God had wanted me all along to be going to a Christian school where I can share my faith with others and use sports for HIM. It was no longer about me.
I committed to CSU shortly after and I am so blessed that my dream came true. During this time, I truly realized God doesn’t want to see me hurt and he is GOOD all the time. I truly realized he was the only one who has been with me through good times and bad, he has never left me something I failed to notice before. Ever since then, my relationship with God has grown. I no longer complain or get mad at him when things go bad. I no longer brag about myself. I truly love playing for my biggest fan of all, Christ.
I don’t want to be known as an athlete who just happens to be a Christian. I want to be known as a Christian, who just happens to be an athlete. I want others to look at me and be able to see Christ. I no longer think of being Christian as just as word or label. It’s a way of living. By my actions, I want others to be able to say, she’s living for the lord. He’s done so much for me, and I want others to be able to know him as well.
I am so thankful that I will be able to pursue my dream playing Division 1 softball with the talents he has given me. I hope that I will fulfill his plan for me. I hope that I continue to use softball as a way to glorify him. Ever since I started playing for HIM, it’s been a lot more rewarding and has made me a lot more happier. I want to make a difference and impact others. Even though I’m young, I believe I can make a difference. He truly is a GREAT God. I am so blessed by all he has given me. No matter what I do, I do for him. I trust him with my plan and know he will never leave or lead me astray. Yes, I do get mocked and teased for being such an active Christian, but honestly I don’t care. At the end of the day, it’s not their opinion that matters, it’s the Lord’s.
There’s a difference between BELIEVING in God, and KNOWING God. I am so happy to say, I’ve gotten to know him so much better. He’s my rock and my strength. He is my EVERYTHING. Without him, I would not be me. He is the reason I am the way I am, I’m going where I am going, and I live the way I live. I am truly thankful for him never giving up on me. I hope my testimony inspires you. Dream Big and Never Give Up. Trust in God, he won’t lead you astray, I promise. Thank you for reading my testimony!
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Much Love,
Amanda
@MandiMats95
